Black Woman In Bloom
Ep.19 Being in Transition
Welcome to the Black Woman in Bloom Podcast. A semi-monthly podcast designed to uplift, encourage, and empower Black Women by exploring wellness topics that promote self-care and mindfulness. I’m your host, TaReon Jael, a Certified Health Educator and Medical Lab Scientist. For more information, please visit blackwomaninbloom.com. While I hope you enjoy listening to and learning from the podcast, please remember that it is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed healthcare provider.
Hello, family, and welcome to episode 19.
I’m so glad to be back. There have been some exciting changes for my family and me. During this episode, I’m going to share some things I learned during this season of transition in my life and provide some tips and insights that I hope will help you navigate seasons of change in your life.
So first, before we get into it. I want to share a listener review that was posted on Apple Podcasts almost two years ago! It was posted by mel8509, and she gave the podcast five stars. The review is titled…Actionable Wellness Tips, and it says, “Finding wellness content centered around Black women is a rarity. What I love about this podcast is that TaReon shares wellness tips that you can implement immediately. I also love hearing how she shares experiences and turns them into lessons that we all need to hear.”
Thank you so much, mel8509, for taking the time to leave the podcast a five-star rating and such an encouraging review. I appreciate your support.
Topic 1: Life Update
Now on to the life update I mentioned earlier. In June 2021, my husband and I discovered I was pregnant with our first child. This news came after dealing with six years of unexplained infertility. Of course, we were excited. But we were also surprised and in disbelief because, as you can imagine, after experiencing infertility, it takes a moment to realize that you’re finally going to have a baby. Like this is really happening!
And the thing that made this news even more surprising was the fact that a couple of days before finding out I was pregnant, my husband and I discussed what we wanted our life to look like if we never had children. We had both reached the point of accepting that we may not have biological children.
So once we wrapped our minds around the idea of being parents. We wondered how we would navigate the first several weeks and months with a newborn. We talked and daydreamed about our daughter’s personality, what she would look like, and who she’ll grow up to be.
In terms of the pregnancy, I had hoped and prayed that I’d be one of those pregnant folks who would feel great for most of the pregnancy. You know, the type, the pregnant person who continues with their life as if they’re not growing a tiny human in their womb. You know, the type of person that can continue exercising, enjoying their hobbies, maintain a balanced diet, manage to look fabulous, and experience little to no morning sickness.
Well, let me tell you. That was different from my experience because that was not my experience! And yes, I know what you may be thinking, “that’s not most people's experience, and each pregnancy is different.”
The first trimester took me out! I had 24-hour sickness. I had to go into ultimate self-care mode, meaning I had to get as much rest as possible when I wasn’t at work. So I made the decision to take a break from the podcast.
I focused on taking care of myself as best I could during the rest of the pregnancy. The all-day sickness subsided but then was replaced by pelvic joint pain and other pregnancy discomforts, but the baby remained healthy throughout the pregnancy.
And in February 2022, we welcomed our baby girl, Jinora, to our family.
Topic 2: New Mom thoughts/feelings
Becoming a mom has been quite the transition. And if I’m being honest, it’s still a novel experience each day.
There is a term for the transition into motherhood, and there have even been research studies conducted to help us better understand the changes that women experience after giving birth. The term is called “matrescence.” It was created in the 1970s by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael. Aurélie Athan, a reproductive psychologist at Columbia University, who is credited with reviving the term in recent years, compares matrescence to the awkwardness of adolescence. She states that "It's a holistic change in multiple domains of your life. You're going to feel it perhaps bodily, psychologically. You're going to feel it with your peer groups. You're going to feel it at your job. You're going to feel it in terms of the big philosophical questions.”
I want to share some lessons I learned and am continuing to learn during this season of transition.
Self-care is so important.
During the pregnancy and early postpartum days, it hit home just how important self-care is. During those times in our lives when we’re transitioning, whether we’re changing jobs, moving into a new home, or entering or leaving a relationship, we must care for ourselves as best we can. This may mean protecting our energy by stepping away from certain things for a season.
Ask for and Accept Help
Many times, especially during the first few months after having the baby, I had to rely on my husband and Mom. I was exhausted from labor, so it would have been challenging to show up for my daughter. Even now that our daughter is almost a year old, we still rely on one another for support.
If you’re a new mom, seasoned mom, grandma, auntie, or caregiver, please reach out to your social support network for the help you need.
And if, for whatever reason, you don’t have a social support network or if the people in your social support network can’t be there for you, please don’t hesitate to use social services or reach out to nonprofit organizations in your area.
In the show notes for this episode, I’ve included some links to some free resources for new parents and caregivers. So please check that out if it sounds like something that could be useful for you or someone you know.
Find time to do the things that make you feel like yourself.
A recent conversation with my cousin-best friend reminded me of this. Often society tries to tell us we should give our all to our kids. But if we buy into that notion, we’ll end up with nothing left to offer, and we risk finding ourselves depleted and resentful. So I want to encourage you as I encourage myself to find some moments throughout the day to enjoy doing something just for you. Take 5-10 minutes to sip that cup of coffee or tea instead of putting that laundry in the dryer. There will always be another load of laundry or some dishes to wash, or toys to put away. But this moment, while the baby is asleep or the kids are at school, is fleeting. Let yourself enjoy this moment, even if it’s only 5-10 minutes.
Envision what you want your life to look like going forward.
What do you want your life to look like after you come out of this season of transition? A good friend of mine, Alexandra Munson of High Desert Wellness, recently suggested this. For example, is there a new habit you want to cultivate? Or is there an old habit you want to phase out?
Researcher, David Yaden, who studies altered states of consciousness at Johns Hopkins, has found that times of transition in life often lead us to experience meaning, communion, and transcendence.
Being in a season of transition gives you the opportunity or the freedom to try something new. Once you’ve come out of that season of transition, you’ll have taken steps to bring that vision of your life to life.
Give yourself grace.
Mom guilt is real. There are many messages about what moms and parents should and shouldn’t do. Breastfeed or bottle feed? Exclusive pumping? Baby-led weaning? Wake times? Nap schedules? I’m learning to let those expectations go. I’m working on accepting that as long as I care for my child as best I can, then I am the perfect Mom for my child. Parents are the true experts on their children, and there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to raising children.
Give yourself the time and compassion to adjust to your new role.
Topic 3: Going Forward
During my time away, I considered ending the podcast altogether. But something kept tugging at me to pick back up when I was ready. That something was the reason I started the podcast in the first place. To uplift, encourage, and empower Black women. Now that I have a daughter, my dedication to this podcast’s mission is heightened. When I look at my daughter, I imagine the woman she’ll grow up to be, and I think about the experiences she’ll have as a Black woman. She’ll join this sisterhood of Black women from generations past and generations to come. She’ll come to know the depth, richness, and fullness of our history and, in her own time and in her own way, join in the rhythm. I hope that one day she’ll be able to find inspiration, encouragement, comfort, and love in the messages, lessons, and truths I’ve recorded in these episodes.
So I hope you’ll stick with me on this journey and continue to extend me grace as I commit to continue and, possibly expand, this platform.
Journal Prompts
What are some areas in your life where you could use some help right now? Who can you ask for help?
Find 5 minutes today to do something just for you. How does it feel to spend a moment just for you?
Allow yourself to envision what you’d like your life to look like going forward. What step (s) can you take each day to make that vision a reality?
In what ways have you been practicing self-care? If you haven’t been practicing self-care lately, what is one step you can take to incorporate some in your daily life?
What are some of the most important transitions you’ve been through, and how have they shaped you?
Thank you for listening to episode 19 on being in transition.
Head to blackwomaninbloom.com/episodes/19 to read the show notes. The links to the references and resources I mentioned in the episode will be there.
If you’re not already, follow the podcast @blackwomaninbloom and follow me @tareonjael.